New Michigan in the year 2234
by Eric Borlaug
POLICE OFFICER Papers please.
BRIDGET Which ones?
POLICE OFFICER Do you have a license for your vagina?
BRIDGET Oh, yes. Here you go.
POLICE OFFICER This is your menstruation license, I need your vagina license, form 309-C.
BRIDGET I only have 309-B on me, my license to menstruate.
POLICE OFFICER How long have you had a vagina, ma’am?
BRIDGET Er, as long as I can remember.
POLICE OFFICER You have to carry form 309-C when you bring your vagina in public, you know this.
BRIDGET I know, I know. I forgot, I was just running out to buy some microchips.
POLICE OFFICER I’ll need to confiscate it.
BRIDGET My vagina?
POLICE OFFICER Yes. You can get it back from the Department of Happiness and Mental Hygiene on Monday.
BRIDGET Do you want my hands too?
POLICE OFFICER Do you have a license for wearing that bracelet?
BRIDGET No, I don’t. Here, take them. Take it all. Take my hands, my vagina, my left toe, and my bicuspids!
POLICE OFFICER I will. Thank you. You can pick them up from the DHMH when you file form 309-C.
BRIDGET I’ll fill it out using my right toe. Good day to you sir.
POLICE OFFICER Good day, ma’am.