New Michigan in the year 2234



by Eric Borlaug

POLICE OFFICER   Papers please.

BRIDGET   Which ones?

POLICE OFFICER   Do you have a license for your vagina?

BRIDGET   Oh, yes.  Here you go.

POLICE OFFICER   This is your menstruation license, I need your vagina license, form 309-C.

BRIDGET   I only have 309-B on me, my license to menstruate.

POLICE OFFICER   How long have you had a vagina, ma’am?

BRIDGET   Er, as long as I can remember.

POLICE OFFICER   You have to carry form 309-C when you bring your vagina in public, you know this.

BRIDGET   I know, I know.  I forgot, I was just running out to buy some microchips.

POLICE OFFICER   I’ll need to confiscate it.

BRIDGET   My vagina?

POLICE OFFICER   Yes.  You can get it back from the Department of Happiness and Mental Hygiene on Monday.

BRIDGET   Do you want my hands too?

POLICE OFFICER   Do you have a license for wearing that bracelet?

BRIDGET   No, I don’t.  Here, take them.  Take it all.  Take my hands, my vagina, my left toe, and my bicuspids!

POLICE OFFICER   I will.  Thank you.  You can pick them up from the DHMH when you file form 309-C.

BRIDGET   I’ll fill it out using my right toe.  Good day to you sir.

POLICE OFFICER   Good day, ma’am.